My Personal Practice to Stay Calm When Problem Solving

I spoke at the Ontario School Counsellor's Association conference a week ago. My husband Joel has presented there too for years, so, many of my participants have gotten to know us well. ⁠
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After my presentation on conflict skills, a man approached me. He said "Can I ask kind of a personal question? Do you and Joel ever, like YELL at each other? Or, when you are solving problems, do you just hold hands and gaze lovingly in each others eyes?"⁠
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"Oh no, we yell sometimes."⁠
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The man laughed "Darn! You crushed my vision of you two!"⁠
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"No, I said, you just learned that we were humans."⁠
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I know that I teach this stuff - to parents, to targets of bullying, and to people bullying... I know that I have SO many answers, but, you need to know that I am far from perfect.⁠
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Staying calm in a storm of feelings is HARD WORK. It takes practice, and messing up, and then more practice.⁠
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What I do know is that the only way I can do my work AND try to stay curious and kind in conflict with my family is to look after myself too. ⁠
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This is a picture of the end of my run today. ⁠
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I started to run in the summer, and have continued to do so for 20 minutes almost every day. It gives me a chance to let off steam, to think, to breathe, and to let go of the day's tension. ⁠
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The result? I am about 700% calmer with my family.⁠
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So, if you are like me and want to do conflict better, but, are ALSO a human with real-deal emotions, what daily practice can you start? Think of an activity that shifts your emotions for about 24 hour hours.⁠
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Got it? Now go do it!!!⁠