Look at the behaviours under "unlucky kids"? They are unlucky, because the way that they are showing discomfort is through behaviours that close our hearts.
Lucky kids? They cry, they stall, they cuddle in... And, we easily love them.
Why is this so profound for me? Because I have worked with these "unlucky kids" for years - both as kids and teens who bully, but also those who get picked on and explode.
What do I see behind my closed door once they feel safe? Tears, shame, discomfort... and mostly - a willingness to change.
What do they feel from society? That they are "bad" at their cores.
Most importantly - we need to understand that these unlucky kids will NEVER change when we punish or isolate them. They are lacking SKILLS to handle things better.
So - the next time a child, teen or adult explodes? Take a deep breath, and open that big heart of yours. Find out what's going on - stay curious - and THAT is what they need..
Isn't this so beautiful?
This quote came from one of my clients. It was her mantra.
Mantra? Yes... Part of the Third Way process is not only figuring out how to find your strong and kind voice with the person bullying you, but, understanding the truth of the relationship and solidly finding your spot in it.
Cue creating a mantra.
I will ask my clients this question: "What is the truth of this whole situation?"
The truth becomes their mantra. We write it on a sticky note and they put it in their bedroom. I tell them that they must say it to themselves before they go to bed, and when they wake in the morning.
By following through on this practice, they re-find their truth - their power - their foundation - every day. The result? They stand taller and are much less likely to give their power up.
About 50% of the time the mantra is SO successful my clients never get bullied again.
Kathleen is an anti-bullying specialist, a conflict coach, a teacher, mom, wife, daughter, sister, friend...