One second… “Ugh… Why bother?” A few minutes later: “Okay, I think I can do this!”
Anyone else having these ping-pongy type thoughts? You flip flop between chasing your dreams and then seeing no point in even trying. Choosing to master something new, and then promptly giving up on it.
My work hours have been a roller-coaster of total productivity and inspiration, and then 30 minutes later unproductively sitting on my bed watching yet another episode of Queer Eye while eating chips.
Those of you who are joining me in finding your strong & kind voices might have noticed that you ROCKED it for a few days, and then reverted back to your quiet, or, super loud voices. When you got back on the horse to repeat that strong & kind, you were quickly triggered or exhausted at the thought of following through.
I’m here to tell you that it’s fair. And okay. And, understandable.
As our worlds shut down because of Covid, and, as they open up again - we are handling an excessively long road of stress. The ups and downs have been extreme, and, the emotional reactivity to it all (fear, panic, depression, mania, fogginess, rage, desire, longing, confusion, resentment… etc) is going to exhaust us.
And now a new chapter: the hope of life opening up is ALSO peppered with the fear of what might occur… The decisions to join friends, or not… The safety concerns we ruminate about after a first social time with family that you haven’t seen in months.
It’s EXHAUSTING. And so - if you’re exhausted that is A.O.K.
Keep following what your brain, body, and soul can manage. Follow that burst of inspiration, and then rest when your body tells you to. And, if you’re like me and need to veg out and “pretend” to work some days - do it! It will provide you the fuel to follow the inspiration once your energy is back up.
All of this WILL end, and we WILL find a more consistent path - for now, we need to learn to listen to our minds, bodies, and souls to rest when we need it.
Now - back to Queer Eye!
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