This is what strong and kind looks like.
Why does this matter? Feeling "strong and kind" is what my clients embody to stop cycles of bullying and abuse in their lives.
Abuse and bullying obviously makes us scared. When afraid - many people fight, or flight... But, there is a Third Way. People who can stand tall and act in a compassionate manner shows strength. And when we're strong, abusive relationships crumble away.
Why? When we are boundaried and still compassionate, we give nothing to someone who is bullying. The "fix" of power they feel when we show fear doesn't exist any more. So, the bullying ends.
The amazing news is that from this perspective - any person can get out toxic relationships because at our core, we are ALL strong and kind.
If you are stuck - try finding that side of yourself. You might have a way to get there - through physical activity, meditation, prayer, time in nature, by doing some form of art...
When you find it - then, take a pen and paper and brainstorm some actions or responses you could choose when that person harms you. Don't filter yourself.
You'll know when you have the answer. You will laugh, or sit up taller, and, generally feel great!
Double check that your action isn't weak or vindictive in any way... These responses continue the abuse. You want the answer to be STRONG and KIND.
Then, practice! Make sure that your answer flows easily!
And, if you try all of this and can't get there - reach out to me. This is the process that I use to help people step out of bullying cycles, and would love to help you feel calmer, happier, and more in control of your life!
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Kathleen is an anti-bullying specialist, a conflict coach, a teacher, mom, wife, daughter, sister, friend...