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Huffington Post: Sex Ed Failed To Give Me The Words I Needed To Stop My Abuser As A Teen
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Rowdy Kind: The Hard Questions About Bullying
Rowdy Kind: Getting Deeper Understanding
Rowdy Kind: Working Together
Huffington Post: Sex Ed Failed To Give Me The Words I Needed To Stop My Abuser As A Teen
Huffington Post: Banning Cell Phones in Ontario Classrooms Will Take More Than A Rule
Rowdy Kind: The Hard Questions About Bullying
Rowdy Kind: Getting Deeper Understanding
Rowdy Kind: Working Together
the third way
“People with the courage to stand up are never victims.
They are heroes, not just in their own lives,
but in the lives of all who face bullying.”
George Lakoff, 2011
The Third Way coaching process puts the target of bullying or harassment in the problem solving driver's seat. Why? Because their solutions work.
We know bullying is often responded to with silence or violence. We also know that those solutions might calm the waters, but, rarely deeply solve the problem.
We implore our clients to find a third way through the problem - one that includes finding their "strong voice". When they can find their internal strength, they can see the situation much more clearly than before. This allows them to stand taller and to find a productive way to say "no more".
The solutions client choose are gentle, kind, and educational. This allows for the person targeted and the person choosing aggression to come to an understanding that the bullying needs to end. Some examples of solutions are: writing a letter, mediating a discussion, speaking publicly, or a referral to a Sensitivity Training program.
Students and adults who make it through the Third Way process acquire the skills needed to stand up for themselves in whatever way makes best sense for their personality, strengths, and challenges. Through resolving their bullying issues, they learn that they have agency to stand up for themselves in other areas of their lives, and, often start to do so.
The Third Way's 3 Steps:
Step 1: Listen
Ask “what’s happened?”
Actively listen to the response.
Step 2: Empower
Ask: What would you like me to do?
a) Just listen?
b) Give suggestions?
c) Take action with you to solve the problem?
Debunk the Myth of Bullying/Assault. Ask: "Why do you think you have been chosen to be bullied/assaulted?"
Ask: "What are some possible actions to solve the problem?"
Let the person targeted to pick the best solution.
Step 3: Support
Refer the incident.
Fill out the Safety Plan.
Take steps to solve the incident.
(Wright-Hilchey © 2011)
Training:
A 1.5 day training and one-on-one coaching calls will fully prepare teachers, counsellors, managers, and HR professionals to become a Third Way Facilitator.
Sensitivity Training
Sensitivity Training is a restorative program for students and adults who are choosing aggression to resolve their problems. During the 1.5 hour long session participants learn new problem solving skills through reflective activities, discussions, empathy building exercises, and case studies. In essence, they are learning to find ways to speak up when things are going wrong, but, to choose a respectful and kind voice to solve problems in the future.
The program is restorative by nature, and as a result it is educational and not punitive. Participants feel heard, and, because of this are open to learning new ways of acting and reacting. Gaining new tools and insights into new conflict management techniques allows participants to solve problems in a calmer manner in the future. This positive learning environment allows participants to take responsibility for their actions and brainstorm ways to repair the damage.
For schools, this restorative justice program fits easily into the current Progressive Discipline model. Administrators and Guidance Counsellors can recommend that students take Sensitivity Training as a supplementary addition to a suspension.
In the workplace, this program fits either in conjunction with, or as an alternative method of discipline for harassing and/or bullying behaviour.
(Wright-Hilchey © 2011)
Training:
2.5 days of training and 1-on-1 coaching calls will fully prepare teachers, counsellors, managers, or HR professionals to become a Sensitivity Training Facilitator. Included is the program manual, PowerPoint and handouts.
Assertiveness Training
"It is impossible to change who we are.
It is possible to change our reactions.
Acting and thinking differently can end a cycle of bullying and victimization."
Kathleen Hilchey, 2016
Assertiveness Training is a group-based program for students and adults who are often targeted in bullying and assaultive cycles. The program can take two or three 75-minute blocks to complete.
In an open, honest, and safe environment, participants have a chance to hear from others' experiences of stepping out of a cycle of victimization, and, to share their own experiences and feelings.
This program helps participants to understand:
- the power dynamics that lead to bullying and assaults.
- the actions and reactions that stop bullying and assaultive behaviours from continuing.
- steps they can take to help face the trauma that they have experienced.
- that these cycles of negative experiences can end through facing their pain and learning different conflict management skills.
Participants will get a chance to:
- practice new ways of acting and reacting to aggression in a safe and secure environment.
- choose language or reactions that feel right to them.
- find ways to think differently about themselves.
- create an action plan that will help them face their challenges.
The group environment helps participants to understand that they are not alone in their trauma. Feeling understood by others can help them to see their experiences differently, and, to take action to resolve problems.
(Wright-Hilchey © 2017)
Training:
A 1 day program is all that is needed to fully prepare teachers and counsellors to become an Assertiveness Training Facilitator and to learn how to set up their own program.